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Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

Signs of Attraction...


In the picture  we see the singer Usher flirting with a busty woman in a nightclub. Both of their bodies are directed towards each other and their heads are leaning toward one another, which is a sign of attraction. Both Usher and the woman have stepped into each other’s intimate zone, where we only allow strangers whom we see as safe or attractive.  

   Their bodies are touching each other's. There is a sincere smile on the woman's face. The muscles of her face and forehead are relaxed. With half-opened lips, she encourages the man to approach her. A half-open mouth is a signal that our interlocutor wants us to continue with our talk.

   Usher is looking down towards the woman’s chest. With all these nonverbal clues we can guess that the conversation went on for longer.


By Ü.Kukumägi

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance
What Is Love...

What is love? Is it an existing reality or just a part of our imagination? Do we love a person as they truly are or just the delusional idea we have of who we think that person is or could be?

   From a biological standpoint, love is a very real physiological process where dopamine and serotonin, which are released in our bodies, make strong reactions in our brain and body in general.

   Falling in love is for us a condition that makes in us 'a quantum addiction,' and something that we do not have control over. Even though we cannot define love in a precise manner, we always surely know when it starts. This begins with our birth.

   The first and most fundamental experience of love is experienced between a newborn and a mother. The mother touches, hugs, kisses, and fondles the baby in different ways starting from the moment of birth. She speaks with the baby in a soft, calm and melodic way by using 'baby language'. The mother and child will look at each other with enthusiasm. They mimic each other's facial expressions and synchronise movements, creating a strong physical and mental-emotional bond between them.

   The behavioural expressions used between a mother and a child are in their nature similar to the expressions that we use in our intimate relationships, with the person we love.

Our childlike playful behaviours - sitting on someone’s lap, cuddling, rubbing noses, fondling, holding hands and other similar activities – all are derived from childhood and have been transferred to our intimate relationships.

   When infants grow up, they express their love and affection in the same ways as they experienced it with their mother during their childhood.

   What does it mean to truly love someone? And why do we need love in our lives? When loving someone we wish to know them, take care of them, respect them, share their values, accept their shortcomings and evolve with them. Quite a lot of voluntary obligations and commitment, don't you think?

   Why does the universe give us the possibility to love and the ability to experience that we are loved? There are many reasons, but the main reason is to survive and produce offspring. We also need partners to socialise and to confirm our existence. There are surely lots of different 'reasons' to love someone. We are after all very different from each other. Each one of us has different needs and a different background.

   Just so you know, only 2-3 percent of people who use online dating sites are looking for a one night stand. Most of us are looking for a life partner.

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

Within a relationship, it refers to the prevailing crisis...


We see supermodel Heidi Klum and her husband, the incomparable musician Seal, on April 28th, 2011 in Los Angeles, at the Brit-week Dinner Gala. The couple helped to raise funds for the 'Joy of Reading' program. This wonderful program is designed to increase children's interest in literature and reading.

   Heidi Klum's and Seal's marriage was held by the press to be flawless for a long time, and they were frequently discussed as a 'dream' marriage. However, in April 2012 the couple got divorced.

   If we look at them in the picture, we see how their bodies keep away from each other. Their hands are placed around each other in a pose rather than pulling their companion toward themselves. Body contact surface is minimal.    Both of them have tense hands. Their hips are separated and rarely touch each other.

   The lower body is kept away from the other in a way that we can usually see between friends and familiars, between whom there is no sexual attraction. Both have facial muscles that are tense, despite carefully pretended smiles. Their eyes are oriented in different directions and it seems that they would like to move forward as quickly as possible from their forced position. Unconsciously we avoid eye contact and looking in the same direction if we have a problem of communication between us.

   Such body postures tend to belong to these who communicate at the level of friendship or who are just familiar with each other, not to people who love each other. Within a relationship, it refers to the prevailing crisis.


By Ü.Kukumägi

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

Synchronisation is a 'key' for a good relationship...


If you've tried to walk side-by-side with a variety of people, you've likely noticed that you are uncomfortable walking alongside many of them - your movements, rhythm and tempo are incompatible with theirs. Nature has created us all with different internal tempos and rhythms. If we watch well-matched, agreeable people, we can see how they walk in the same rhythm, their bodies move uniformly, regardless of height differences.  Rhythmic repetition between partners will entrain them to the same psychological wavelength and tie them more closely. Synchronisation is a 'key' for a good relationship and a big part of its base.

   The press photographer has captured US President Barack Obama and the first lady Michelle holding hands while walking in unison in the direction of the Marine One helicopter on April 9th, 2014. When we look at their two body postures, we can see how identically they move. Despite their height difference, their leg positions and stride-lengths are the same. Their bodies are slightly turned towards each other. President Obama, who is slightly in front, is the 'leader' at the moment. We see the President's left hand holding his wife's right hand, supporting and leading her. The first lady is following her husband.


By Ü.Kukumägi

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

Blushing is the body’s reaction...


Blushing is the body’s reaction that accompanies shyness, embarrassment, etc., whether it is a pleasant or unpleasant stimulus. It is common that the appearance of an attractive person makes us blush. Mild blushing caused by the stimulation of our sympathetic nervous system spreads across our ears and face.

  The photo was taken during a reality show shooting where twelve American girls competed to marry 'Prince Harry'. The girls did not know that the person in the reality show was not the real Prince Harry, but his look-alike.

   So it was half real – a half-imaginary reality where real feelings and a game were mixed and became one. In the photo you see 'Prince Harry' meeting one of the potential spouses.

   We can often see how partners at the beginning of their relationship playfully rub their noses together. Just as in the animal world, where smell is an important medium, humans also use smell to assess the person they are dealing with. We want to sense our partner’s smell by sniffing them.

   The 'Prince' likes the girl and this makes him blush. Blushing is caused by excitement and it is a natural reaction of the body which cannot be disguised. Also, the 'Prince's' nostrils are slightly enlarged - this happens when we are anxious and it is also necessary to better 'sniff' someone.


By Ü.Kukumägi

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

When people find each other sexually attractive...


When people find each other sexually attractive we can see them taking classic flirting postures. This photo from 1965 is obviously staged, but we can see the sexual attraction between the models. The man’s hand is on his hip, fingers pointing to his genitals. He is exposing his armpit which is a sign of flirting just as with women. He is inclined strongly toward the woman, touching her face and back. He is standing in a provocative position, his chest is touching the woman’s shoulder. By the way, many women find touching or kissing their shoulders or arms very erotic.

  The man’s abdominal muscles are pulled in tight and if we could see his buttock muscles then these too would be tight. When meeting an attractive person of the opposite sex, both men and women straighten their backs, tighten their abdominal and buttock muscles and push their chests forward in order to look more attractive.

   The woman’s head is slightly lowered and she is leaning slightly towards the man, exposing her neck. An exposed neck and tilted head always signal that the person is interested in or attracted to the other person. However, this does not always have to have sexual a connotation.

   The woman is slightly touching the upper part of her chest which is a typical flirting signal. Her right leg is attractively leaning against the rim of the wheel which exposes her beautiful leg's thigh and knee which is pointing toward the man. The direction of our legs reflects the direction of our thoughts.

   The woman is temptingly playing with the strings of her headscarf by sliding them erotically between her lips and drawing the man's attention to her slightly open mouth. Both models have relaxed facial muscles, and they are both smiling.


By Ü.Kukumägi

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

A classic flirting position for men...


The photographer has captured President Obama in a classic flirting position for men – hand on waist, body weight on one leg, foot pointing towards Oprah. He is standing, suit jacket open, body tilted towards Oprah. Barack Obama is smiling sincerely, his face muscles are relaxed.   

   Body language should always be analysed in context. If the context includes, so to say, 'third persons,' the situation becomes even more transparent. Just look at the first lady’s pinched lips, questioningly raised eyebrows and tense facial muscles – all of these occur in situations that make us feel upset. In addition, her right hand is closed into a fist. Our hands ball up into fists in situations that make us angry, no matter how much we try to control ourselves.

   Note that Oprah is focussing only on the first lady and does not pay any attention to the signs of flirting that the president is sending.

   When there is a third person involved in the context, like in the previous example, always observe their reactions to the other person's behaviour. Often the reactions of the third person reveal what is happening between the other two parties. For example, the way how one of the partner's reacts when a potential rival appears can give us very useful information on how 'dangerous' the rival is.


By Ü.Kukumägi

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

A sexy woman flirting with the famous singer...


A paparazzo has captured a sexy woman flirting with the famous singer and musician Usher at a pool side.

    The lady has lifted both arms above her head, slightly behind her back. This pose exposes her breasts and makes her look taller, more gracious and vital.

   Her abdomen and buttocks muscles are tightened, and although we cannot exactly see, we can guess that she is standing on tiptoes.

   The woman’s inviting gesture fulfils its purpose.

   When looking closer at the man’s face, we can see a half-open mouth and relaxed-hanging jaw. This kind of look appears on our faces when we see a person of the opposite sex who we find very attractive.

   All of the woman’s moves are from the repertoire of classic flirting signals that women use when meeting an attractive man.

   We see the woman smiling. The quality of the photo does not enable us to tell whether the smile is sincere or fake but seems to be sincere.


By Ü.Kukumägi

Bodylanguage in flirt & romance

An inviting look over her shoulder...



Eva Longoria is posing to the press on the red carpet at the 2013 Cannes film festival. Eva Longoria is a sexy and beautiful woman and definitely knows how to present herself in a charming and feminine way. By casting an inviting look over her shoulder, she is demonstrating her beautiful naked back.  

  We can see how she skilfully draws attention to her buttocks by lifting her left hip.


     A curvy buttock is undoubtedly the second attraction factor for men and if a woman is swirling her buttocks in front a man, the man can be absolutely sure that this is an invitation to follow. Whether this invitation is merely a joke or a real signal of sexual attraction, needs to be found out by interpreting the rest of the woman’s behaviour.

   Walking in high-heeled shoes, which are often used as a 'weapon' by women, can make the buttocks move even more inviting.


   Moving our shoulders is a signal that indicates that we are harmless.  When we meet a person that we like, we subconsciously lift our shoulders up and tilt our head to the side, and this move is known as a reaction of likeability. We do the same for example when hugging small children.


By Ü.Kukumägi

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